Ice Hockey's Field
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.
Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No", the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."
A championship football team was away playing in the country. After the match, the bus they were travelling in was involved in a serious accident. The driver, the coach and all the players were killed. The only survivor was the mascot - a chimpanzee.
Soon after the disaster, investigators came to determine the cause of the accident. They were interviewing the chimp, who was giving his answers in sign language
"Just before the crash, what was the driver doing?" The chimp made signs to show drinking and smoking.
"And what was the coach doing before the crash?" More signs of drinking and smoking.
"Then what was the rest of the team doing?" Actions of drinking, smoking and general carry on.
"This is terrible. They must have been having some kind of party on the bus. And what about you? What were you doing just before the crash?" The chimp made actions like driving a bus.
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