Funny Poems for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day that goes every February 14 is always associated with celebration of love. Unfortunately, not everyone is thought the same. Those who still single, just had a break up, or having a bad relationship will mourn even more during Valentine. One of the best ways to express feeling about Valentine, and your "beloved" one, is by writing a poem. Let's check out some bitter, yet funny, poems about Valentine and love below:


Some girls don't need flowers from their man,
Some girls complain chocolates make them fat,
Some girls do not need big romantic gestures,
Please be advised that I am not like that!

I am your mystery valentine,

Your secret admirer.

I'm rich, good-looking, sexy,

And a compulsive liar.

Since my Valentine got a computer
My love life has taken a hit.
Nothing I say is important
Unless it's a byte or a bit.

Facebook says I'm single

But that's not really true.

My heart belongs to someone,

And that someone is you.

We'd make a great couple,

Jealous folk would hate us,

So please give me a reason

To update my status.

I said to you, "Oh, please be mine;
Be mine forever, Valentine."
I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was being cool.

I swore that we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my heart.
Had I been thinking with my head,
I'd probably have fled instead.

I have something to say that I

Hope won't go to your head.

You're handsome, witty, charming,

And very good in bed.

Won't you be mine you whine
But I decline your valentine

Your hairline is divine
But I decline your valentine

You're no genuine swine
But I decline your valentine

Oh fine, we'll dine at nine
But to be most sincere my dear
You can't buy me love any time of the year.

My love told me to be more romantic
And to book a table for Valentine's Day
When we arrived at the fancy hall
I can tell you there was all hell to pay

Last Valentine, when I stopped by early,
It was much worse than my fear.
For my best friend’s car was in the front.
And he was in the rear.

Take me somewhere nice tonight

We'll have a cosy chat,

Any place that doesn't ask,

'Do you want any fries with that?'

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
This is my heart, you broke it in two.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
This is what i have to say, you suck I hate you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I would rather die then sleep with you.

Funniest Two Lines Poems

Let me explain again about these funny two line poems. So, the first line is when you say something beautiful to your mate, and come out of nowhere, the second line will break their hearts. This what I called "sweet revenge". And since these poems have become reader's favorite, this already the fourth post of Hilarious Poems.


1. I need you please, forevermore
To stop showing up at my door

2. My love for you is never ending
Until you get this note I'm sending

3. Your perfect body, smile and walk
Faded when I heard you talk


4. I felt the earth move 'neath my feet
Perhaps you should have less to eat

5. Darling I'd take you anywhere
As long as I can leave you there

6. Calvin Klein, Dior, Chanel
Still you can't disguise the smell

7. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you
That I haven't done for your brothers too

8. They say true lovers needs time apart,
I think today's a good time to start!

9. Sweet and charming love of mine
Find another valentine

10. My love for you dear is forever, everlasting
Is your sister single? I mean, I'm just asking.

11. Most beautiful places I only see you
That's 'cause your fat butt is blocking the view

Breaking Up Through Poems

Having trouble find the right words for a breaking up line? Try to say it with poems! Try these funny two lines poems for a guarantee split up. I need to warn you though, use it at your own risk, just like the previous Hilarious Poems.

1. I would go to the ends of the earth,
To kick the tramp who gave you birth.

2. In the card game of life we are a pair
But I'd rather be playing solitaire.

3. I'll stay with you no matter what
But man, oh man, your sister's hot!


4. You've brought such joy into my life,
My friend, I'm sleeping with your wife.

5. A greater love we'll never find
the gym should fix your fat behind

6. Your lips and mine, one and the same.
But before we kiss, remind me your name.

7. My love is like the morning dew
I stay the night, then spit on you.

8.I long to see your lovely face
Down in the mud you big disgrace

9. Your face belongs up on a screen
Behind a mask, in Halloween

10. My darling, my love, you've stolen my heart,
My wallet and my car, you thieving tart!

Hilarious Poems Reloaded

Still remember our previous post about funny two lines poems, where the first line about love and the second line just makes everything upside down? Well, this is the second part of the infamous Hilarious Poems. Enjoy!

1. My love for you is like a rose
One that's dead and never grows

2. Those words I spoke were true and grand
But "I love U2"? I meant the BAND

3. Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it's true, I'd prefer you inside out.

4. You are my sun, my moon, my star
I wish to see you... from afar

5. To tell you what you mean to me
Would get me bleeped on live TV

6. Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

7. My love for you will never die
Unless I meet another guy

This one is my favorite hilarious poem:
8. If I were a dog and you were a flower
I'd lift my leg up and give you a shower

9. After you, my love, my only prize
Would be a bullet between my eyes

10. You turn me on like Britney Spears
With even less between the ears

Funny Poems for You Who's Feeling Old

Age is just a number, you know? Whether you're feeling old or not, it not depends on your age, but how you cherish your life and embrace the future. These are couples of funny poems for you who's feeling old already...


For all the girls!

When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold my tummy in
To wear a belted dress.

But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.

Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.

And how about those pantyhose-
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knees?


I need to wear these glasses
As the prints were getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.

Though my hair has turned to grey
And my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
Just the outside's changed a bit.


A Poem For Those Over 30

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bites.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A curser used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file.
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a back up happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they'll wish they were dead.

Funny and Hilarious Poems

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST POETRY COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was on the piss.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.



6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Love hilarious poems and quotes? Check my previous post about Funny and Inspiring Quotes. Don't forget to check another funny and ridiculous jokes and humors on this blog.